Monday, December 15, 2014

complacency

Last week I had a really hard time with my two a day plan. I just kept thinking--maybe I'm at a plateau, maybe I'm at a place where I'm comfortable with the amount of clutter. Maybe I don't see it as clutter. And then we got a new TV for Christmas.

Now the old TV is OLD. Like so old hat it weights 4 tons and all the donation places (Goodwill, Salvation army, local resale shop) won't take it. And I am not keeping it--instead I think I'm going to wait until large trash pickup and set it on the curb. I'm guessing someone will take it.

The new TV is not fancy (it is smaller than you'd want to steal, so don't bother), but in order to get my VCR hooked up to it (yes you did hear that--I LOVE my VCR), as well as the cable box that used to sit on TOP of the TV, we had to juggle the equipment. And they didn't all fit on our tv stand. So my husband and I dragged up our entertainment center from the basement (where it was acting as shelves for water and pop) only to discover that the tv would not fit. (rectangle in a square spot). So suddenly I had to really investigate if we wanted to keep all this.

And suddenly I felt like we had a LOT of clutter. A lot I did not want to have anymore. And big stuff too. A tv, an entertainment center, a computer that is so old and several videotapes, cds and dvds, and cords and wires.

Then we set up the Christmas tree. Whoa, did I have a lot of Christmas stuff that I don't want or need. Christmas themed dishcloths! Candles! and weird ornaments that I'm not sure where they came from. I also have outside lights that I have NEVER used. (I hate ladders). And as I discovered at Halloween, our outside outlet doesn't work. So, I'm going to try hanging them inside. If it works and we like it--they stay, if not--gone.

I'd love to say that everything is settled, but that's hardly the case. The guest room is full of stuff that needs to make it out of the house, the garage has an entertainment center in it, and my donation bag for the library is FULL. But it did shake me up and out of my complacency and that is a good thing.

Friday, December 5, 2014

confession

I have a confession to make.

I have not been very good at the two a day declutter thing lately.

Some days I do really well. I've decided to let go of rings and some unopened lip gloss, a decorative box that made my daughter go "are you sure you are ok with this?" as I encouraged her to wrap a gift in it. Even a sweater that I used to love, but somehow do not anymore is now gone.

But some days...
Some days the darkness of the day, the sadness of the news, the cruelness of people all descend on me. I want to hide in my house and be surrounded by all my stuff and never ever leave.

Those are the bad days. Those are the days I can't bear to get rid of things because it will force me to examine myself more closely, when all I want to do is hide.

So, I've been taking it easy on myself. I do think about decluttering every day. I find myself noticing that I am much better than I was a year ago. I see my friends and acquaintances struggling with their clutter and I am really glad I took this project on.
Side note--two ladies from my book club are moving. One has lived in her house for 40 years, the other has been in her house 46 years. Hearing them talk about the boxes and boxes of things they were throwing out made me feel mixed. On one hand, I kinda wanted their stuff. On the other, I felt a little smug because it wasn't me. Because if I moved, I would get rid of things sure--but not nearly as much as I would have last year at this time.

I'm also finding myself really really conflicted about the holidays coming up. What does a person who has decided to remove the excess from their life want for Christmas? Every time I try to come up with a "wish list" (I've been asked!) I can really only think of things I DON'T want. I don't want more stuff I won't use.

So yeah, it isn't a fun place to be right now. I'm pushing through though because I really can see the difference. I guess that the obvious no longer jumps out at me, means that it may be time to take a second, harder look at things--and right now I do not have the energy for it.