Friday, December 5, 2014

confession

I have a confession to make.

I have not been very good at the two a day declutter thing lately.

Some days I do really well. I've decided to let go of rings and some unopened lip gloss, a decorative box that made my daughter go "are you sure you are ok with this?" as I encouraged her to wrap a gift in it. Even a sweater that I used to love, but somehow do not anymore is now gone.

But some days...
Some days the darkness of the day, the sadness of the news, the cruelness of people all descend on me. I want to hide in my house and be surrounded by all my stuff and never ever leave.

Those are the bad days. Those are the days I can't bear to get rid of things because it will force me to examine myself more closely, when all I want to do is hide.

So, I've been taking it easy on myself. I do think about decluttering every day. I find myself noticing that I am much better than I was a year ago. I see my friends and acquaintances struggling with their clutter and I am really glad I took this project on.
Side note--two ladies from my book club are moving. One has lived in her house for 40 years, the other has been in her house 46 years. Hearing them talk about the boxes and boxes of things they were throwing out made me feel mixed. On one hand, I kinda wanted their stuff. On the other, I felt a little smug because it wasn't me. Because if I moved, I would get rid of things sure--but not nearly as much as I would have last year at this time.

I'm also finding myself really really conflicted about the holidays coming up. What does a person who has decided to remove the excess from their life want for Christmas? Every time I try to come up with a "wish list" (I've been asked!) I can really only think of things I DON'T want. I don't want more stuff I won't use.

So yeah, it isn't a fun place to be right now. I'm pushing through though because I really can see the difference. I guess that the obvious no longer jumps out at me, means that it may be time to take a second, harder look at things--and right now I do not have the energy for it.

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